Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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