Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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