If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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