apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
