Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
