I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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