ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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