my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize