it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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