I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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