I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
