k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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