cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My dick has a subreddit
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
