i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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