i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize