She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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