Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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