She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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