If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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