I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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