so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
