Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
