How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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