I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
pray to the hookup gods
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
