so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize