found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
