your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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