oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize