It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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