I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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