But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the day after is always just damage control
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
