The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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