I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Are we still banned from the library?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
