dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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