You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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