Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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