Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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