i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
