i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize