I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize