when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
