I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize