apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
