You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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