i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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