Im at strip club and am horny
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
