it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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