apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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