you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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