Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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