careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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