How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
