Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
