I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
