He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize