sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
