Four minutes until I can fart!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
