Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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