I wish i was in the wii world.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
