I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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