nut hugger
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
