I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
