You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize