why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
