...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
