i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
