Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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