I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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