mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
