Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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