She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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