dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
